What it's like to be Trans and Pregnant
Melenie Parkes - S
Like so many couples in love, Frankie and Rāwā Karetai Wood-Bodley want to start a family.
Gay couples who want to become dads usually have to turn to surrogacy or adoption to have children. But Frankie and Rāwā (Waitaha, Kāti Mamoe, Kai Tahu, Ngāti Maniapoto) have another option available to them. Frankie, who uses they/them pronouns, is a trans man and can still carry a child, although there are many challenges for them and Rāwā in that process.
Local series Documentary New Zealand returns with a new season of contemporary stories and up first is Trans and Pregnant, which follows Frankie and Rāwā’s journey from trying to conceive, to the heartbreak of miscarriage and finally carrying a baby to term and bringing new life into the world.
“It blows people’s minds in a lot of ways, but actually, it’s quite simple. It’s just two men that are in love and one of them is physically able to have a baby,” says producer Nicola Smith (Home, Land & Sea, Queer & Here).
Smith (Ngāti Kahungungu) says Ramon Te Wake, director of Trans & Pregnant, met Frankie and Rāwā through another project and learned that they were planning on conceiving naturally.
“Ramon’s director’s ears sort of pricked up and she was like, ‘Oh, okay. Well, how would you feel if we threw a camera at you and followed you during this journey?’”
Rāwā and Frankie Karetai Wood-Bodley appear in the documentary Trans and Pregnant.
Smith says the couple never had any doubts about sharing their story with the world.
“They put themselves out there and they go through it in the hope that they can change people’s perceptions.
“They both work in the advocacy space and really care about representation. They just kindly allowed us to follow the journey of them trying to have a baby and then ultimately having a baby, which feels like such a blessing for us as filmmakers.”
Cameras capture the moving moment Frankie and Rāwā’s baby is born at home, but before that happens, the pair must navigate the healthcare system. Their concerns about potential prejudice and being misgendered drives their decision to give birth at home.
Frankie worries that stopping testosterone in order to conceive may result in gender dysphoria − feeling discomfort in a body that doesn’t match their gender identity.
“Essentially, to get pregnant, Frankie had to allow their body to change again − and that can be hard,” says Smith.
Meanwhile, Rāwā also struggles with the sacrifices his husband must make in order to expand their whānau.
But ultimately, they put those concerns aside to fulfil their dreams. In the documentary, Frankie shares how they’ve always known they wanted to be a parent since they were a child and how they hope to see their own father, who has Parkinson’s Disease, become a grandfather.
Smith says the couple “really know themselves and know what they want and what they deserve. And because of that, they go into everything really, really open, and they are very transparent”.
“They’re a brave couple and they are quite selfless in wanting to share their journey with others.”
Their experience is extraordinary but, as Smith observes, it’s also very ordinary too. There is no older story in the world than that of two people falling in love and wanting to have children together. Frankie and Rāwā’s quest to become parents is positive and uplifting, but inevitably, there will be people who have a negative response to those they see as different.
“I definitely have some fears around their safety,” says Smith about reaction to the documentary. “But they’re also really good at knowing not to read the comments.”
While she’s prepared for the disapproval of some, Smith finds the negativity about trans people and their personal choices baffling.
“Why do you care so much about what this person’s body is like?,” she says. “It just blows my mind that people feel that they have ownership over someone else’s body.”
She says she’s hopeful that audiences can appreciate that “the world isn’t the same for everyone”.
Filming over such a long period of time meant that Smith formed a really close bond with Frankie and Rāwā, who she describes as “two guys that I love, two friends, two great dads, and wonderful sons to their parents”.
“You make friends for life doing this, especially something as intimate as going on a journey of having a baby. It’s pretty special.”
Trans and Pregnant, TVNZ 1, Monday November 11